(Ooooook so just to get me started, here is the first part of a story I started a while ago when bored/inspired during class one day. Lemme know if this has any redeeming qualities or if it should be scrapped. Seriously, be honest. Go ahead and correct grammar if you must but try not concentrate on that too much. As usual with my my writing the characters are inspired by but not based on real people. I also find it kind of amusing that Lynnette and I both are getting things kicked off with a story where the character starts off waking up a little oddly, although of course the circumstances are completely different. Well, try to enjoy!)
As Marion woke up, the first thing she noticed was that her cheek was glued with drool to the fake black leather of a couch cushion. It only took a couple of seconds to remember where she was. She had woken up on this couch more than few times. She opened her eyes, one at a time, and squinted at the morning light flooding the room. When she lifted her head the pleather released her cheek with a soft "shwock." Marion let out a sound between between a sigh and a groan as she unstuck her slightly sweaty arms as well. She'd crashed at Angela's after plenty of parties but this was the first time she actually didn't remember going to sleep. The last thing she could recall was walking to get donuts around 4 AM, coming home, and sitting on the couch laughing about something. 'Well at least I remember getting to the couch,' she thought.
She turned head and saw Janice, one of her closest friends, curled on the other couch. Marion's brow furrowed slightly. She thought Janice didn't look quite right. Marion wondered groggily why Janice had extra arms. She was almost too tired to care and started to drift off when an image drifted across her mind's eye of Janice on that couch last night sitting with someone... Marion's eyes snapped back open. She dragged herself up slowly so she was half sitting. She groaned again; most of her muscles ached dully and her mouth tasted like moldy sandpaper. Another hard stare across the room confirmed it. The other couch definitely had too many limbs on it. She also saw what she had been hoping not too: directly behind Janice's blond-haired head, was one with darker hair, this one distinctly male.
Marion felt a bit queasy and not because of any residual alcohol that might be in her system. she still thought she might be hallucinating and forced her body into a standing position. When she was sure she was steady enough to be mostly quiet, she inched across the room to the other couch and leaned carefully over Janice. Marion was right, the male head was Taylor's. In a state of vague shock she crossed through the small apartment to the kitchen sink. Every surface in the kitchen was piled with cups, plastic and glass. She picked one that looked clean(ish), rinsed it a bit, filled it, and downed it. The water didn't really help but she wanted to believe it did. She put the glass back down and leaned against the sink trying to figure out what to do. She wanted to wake Janice and Taylor with lots of yelling but she hated confrontation and her head was pounding. It only slightly registered that they were at least dressed. Finally Marion decided she wanted some help.
She refilled her glass and climbed up the stairs laboriously. She was fairly sure her friend Carissa was still asleep in Angela's bed where she had crashed the night before. She was relieved to see that Carissa was already starting to come to. Marion didn't realize how upset and confused she must look until Carissa frowned at her and asked,"Hey, what's wrong? You look like you just had a stroke." Marion didn't say anything. She sat on the foot of the bed and pointed at the floor, indicating the living room below. Carissa was normally the type to ask a lot of questions but her friend looked upset enough that she immediately got up and left the room. Marion listened to her friend go down the stairs, a pause, and then come up the stairs much faster than she had gone down. Carissa came back into the room looking as confused as Marion had, as well as angry. Marion now just looked hurt. Carissa could barely speak.
She took a drink from Marion's water and spluttered out,"Was that-"
Marion nodded.
"With-"
Marion nodded again.
"All night?"
Marion shrugged.
"Did they-"
Marion shrugged again and her eyes watered a bit.
"Oh, sorry Mare!" Carissa said, coming to her senses and sitting down next to her friend. "They're dressed, That's a good sign right?" She was clutching at straws to make Marion feel better.
Marion made a non-comital head movement and finally spoke, "I didn't really think I had a chance with him... and Janice and I did think he might like her but..." she wasn't sure how to continue.
"Bullshit Mare!" Carissa said angrily, "Janice knew you've been in to him for like, ever! When you first thought he might like her, what did she say?"
Marion sighed and stared at her feet, "She said, 'I was her best friend and she would never hurt me by getting with a guy I liked.'"
"Uh huh, and when was that?" Carissa asked.
"Last week."
"That bitch!"
Marion heard something downstairs. Her head snapped up and she put her finger to her lips.
Okey doke, so that's as far as I've gotten! Can't wait to see what the rest of you write!
As Marion woke up, the first thing she noticed was that her cheek was glued with drool to the fake black leather of a couch cushion. It only took a couple of seconds to remember where she was. She had woken up on this couch more than few times. She opened her eyes, one at a time, and squinted at the morning light flooding the room. When she lifted her head the pleather released her cheek with a soft "shwock." Marion let out a sound between between a sigh and a groan as she unstuck her slightly sweaty arms as well. She'd crashed at Angela's after plenty of parties but this was the first time she actually didn't remember going to sleep. The last thing she could recall was walking to get donuts around 4 AM, coming home, and sitting on the couch laughing about something. 'Well at least I remember getting to the couch,' she thought.
She turned head and saw Janice, one of her closest friends, curled on the other couch. Marion's brow furrowed slightly. She thought Janice didn't look quite right. Marion wondered groggily why Janice had extra arms. She was almost too tired to care and started to drift off when an image drifted across her mind's eye of Janice on that couch last night sitting with someone... Marion's eyes snapped back open. She dragged herself up slowly so she was half sitting. She groaned again; most of her muscles ached dully and her mouth tasted like moldy sandpaper. Another hard stare across the room confirmed it. The other couch definitely had too many limbs on it. She also saw what she had been hoping not too: directly behind Janice's blond-haired head, was one with darker hair, this one distinctly male.
Marion felt a bit queasy and not because of any residual alcohol that might be in her system. she still thought she might be hallucinating and forced her body into a standing position. When she was sure she was steady enough to be mostly quiet, she inched across the room to the other couch and leaned carefully over Janice. Marion was right, the male head was Taylor's. In a state of vague shock she crossed through the small apartment to the kitchen sink. Every surface in the kitchen was piled with cups, plastic and glass. She picked one that looked clean(ish), rinsed it a bit, filled it, and downed it. The water didn't really help but she wanted to believe it did. She put the glass back down and leaned against the sink trying to figure out what to do. She wanted to wake Janice and Taylor with lots of yelling but she hated confrontation and her head was pounding. It only slightly registered that they were at least dressed. Finally Marion decided she wanted some help.
She refilled her glass and climbed up the stairs laboriously. She was fairly sure her friend Carissa was still asleep in Angela's bed where she had crashed the night before. She was relieved to see that Carissa was already starting to come to. Marion didn't realize how upset and confused she must look until Carissa frowned at her and asked,"Hey, what's wrong? You look like you just had a stroke." Marion didn't say anything. She sat on the foot of the bed and pointed at the floor, indicating the living room below. Carissa was normally the type to ask a lot of questions but her friend looked upset enough that she immediately got up and left the room. Marion listened to her friend go down the stairs, a pause, and then come up the stairs much faster than she had gone down. Carissa came back into the room looking as confused as Marion had, as well as angry. Marion now just looked hurt. Carissa could barely speak.
She took a drink from Marion's water and spluttered out,"Was that-"
Marion nodded.
"With-"
Marion nodded again.
"All night?"
Marion shrugged.
"Did they-"
Marion shrugged again and her eyes watered a bit.
"Oh, sorry Mare!" Carissa said, coming to her senses and sitting down next to her friend. "They're dressed, That's a good sign right?" She was clutching at straws to make Marion feel better.
Marion made a non-comital head movement and finally spoke, "I didn't really think I had a chance with him... and Janice and I did think he might like her but..." she wasn't sure how to continue.
"Bullshit Mare!" Carissa said angrily, "Janice knew you've been in to him for like, ever! When you first thought he might like her, what did she say?"
Marion sighed and stared at her feet, "She said, 'I was her best friend and she would never hurt me by getting with a guy I liked.'"
"Uh huh, and when was that?" Carissa asked.
"Last week."
"That bitch!"
Marion heard something downstairs. Her head snapped up and she put her finger to her lips.
Okey doke, so that's as far as I've gotten! Can't wait to see what the rest of you write!
I swear I commented this before but Maybe It didn't post? Or you deleted it. Either way. In the beginning you have an extra 'between'.
ReplyDeleteOther than that. It's hard for me to critique the story, and you know why.
It's great. I would actually want to know what happens next. Thats all I can really say. I do like your dialogueeee a lot!
anyways, If you want me to really go through this and critique it I can. I just am having a hard time doing it you know?
haha yes I do know lol. umm if you have time though do try and critique it like an anonymous piec without the *cough* extenuating circumstances. it has a couple diffs anyway. ( though i suppose they are small ones.) and plus I kind of want it to go somewhere different.
ReplyDelete